When your spouse or partner is about to leave you
When you’re searching for signs your spouse wants to leave you, your situation is critical. How worried must you be. Or not, depending on what’s been going on between the two of you, you may be relieved.
I’m going to assume that you’re still hoping to save your marriage now that’s on the brink of divorce. If I’m right, it does mean you’ll have to take immediate action!
I’ll be pointing you in the right direction so that you have some hope because I can imagine your head is all over the place with worry. As human beings, it’s hard for us to think straight and know what to do for the best when we’re anxious and emotional.
So, let’s first see how bad the situation is…
Oh, and you may also want to read How to know your relationship is over?
Signs your husband or wife is planning to leave you.
The following are potential signs that your partner or spouse’s departure is imminent!
1. Your spouse appears uninterested in your whereabouts
Your spouse no longer cares that you prefer to spend your time elsewhere because they have other things on their mind. Your comings and goings are of no interest to them when they’re planning to leave you.
2. He or she seems to be pleased when you’re going out
They may have to arrange things, pack up, talk to friends and family about the situation, arrange for alternate accommodation, etc. Or, very sadly, they’re feeling relieved to not be in the same space as you.
3. You’re noticing that some of their personal items are disappearing
This is a definite sign that they’re ready to move out. You could search your home for packed bags or boxes, but I’d much rather have you talk to your spouse about your worries. It’s time the two of you discuss your worries and for them, if he or she does want to leave you, to come clean.
Read my article on how to stop arguing first for the best tips and advice on how to have a decent conversation.
4. They’re nothing short of rude to you
Being in the same room appears to be too much. You acutely feel their rejection. Any attempt to connect is, at best, dealt with a blow of grumpy and short answers and, potentially, lies. Or, you simply getting the silent treatment.
5. You’ve been told they want a break
Yes, they might indeed want a break. However, it could be an interlude to wanting separation and divorce – they just don’t know how to tell you.
6. They push you away when you want to hold hands or seek any physical contact
It may have been happening for some time, but now you can no longer ignore it – your spouse appears to no longer want you – plain and simple. This too is a very telling symptom your marriage in danger of breaking up.
It really is time the two of you sit down to work out what you’re going to do. See further down for advice on what to do next.
7. They’re made financial arrangements to enable them to leave
Your partner may have been making financial arrangements to ensure they have the financial means to leave you. They may have been lying to you about money.
Indirect signs your partner or spouse wants to break up
Well, that may not be entirely right – the following are certainly also signs that your marriage is in trouble and possibly wanting to leave you:
8. Your spouse is already having an affair
If ever there was a way to cause someone to feel rejected – it’ll be by betraying their trust and, in particular by cheating on them.
If your spouse is having an affair, it could absolutely be a sign that they are about to leave you. If you suspect they’re being unfaithful, check out my article The tell-tale signs of a cheating spouse.
Know that infidelity need not necessarily lead to a marriage break up.
If your spouse is really having an affair, your marriage is, however, in deep trouble. That is – assuming that you didn’t sanction your spouse having someone on the side! You’ll now have to fight for the survival of your marriage. That is if you want to stay together after an affair.
9. Your spouse is no longer interested in intimacy
Whenever you reach out to them, they push you away or quote tiredness. While they may well be tired, you’ll know from the way you’re being rejected that it’s more about not wanting to be intimate with you. No wonder you’re feeling hurt!
No longer making love is definitely not a sign by itself that your wife or husband wants to leave you. They could be suffering from low libido, or impotence, for example.
10. They’re spending more time with friends
This may have been a slow process – that they’ve increasingly sought entertainment and comfort elsewhere. Or, their friends are supporting them through the impending marital breakup.
11. Your spouse is spending more time at work
You’re likely to have come up with good reasons for that initially. Possibly, they have no choice in the matter. However, they could have asked for extra shifts. They may have offered to work at weekends, Christmas, Thanksgiving or any other family holiday. And, they might have let it be known to be available for unexpectedly being called in during holidays.
12. They’re not spending any time in your company at social gatherings.
Mostly they’ll be avoiding going to social events with you, except those they have to attend to keep up appearances. You’ll no doubt be very aware they’re going under duress. They’ll spend as little time with you as they can get away with and you’re left defending the reasons why to others.
13. They come up with excuses when you’re looking for ways to spend quality time together
This happens when you’ve been aware your partner or spouse is wanting to end the marriage, and you’re doing your damnedest to fix the relationship (link). Your attempts are deliberately being thwarted by excuses or straight refusals.
14. They have more contact with a particular friend(s)
If they’ve been unhappy, they’re likely to have reached out to friends and family for support. If your spouse is set to leave you, there may be even more contact now in preparation of a breakup.
15. They are increasingly cold and distant
When you’re noticing a combination of the above, you’ll no doubt experience your spouse as being cold and distant. No wonder you’d feel hurt and rejected (link).
However, all this does come with a warning. A seemingly distant and cold spouse could be suffering from a mental health problem. So, I’d like you to consider the following…
you could be wrong about your spouse wanting to leave
4 Other possible reasons for your partner’s behaviour
- Has your spouse been under severe strain at work and could they be suffering from work-related stress?
Don’t know the answer?
Is that because you’re done caring, you haven’t enquired or you’ve been kept in the dark despite trying to find out what’s happening?
- Could they be on the verge of a burnout or nervous breakdown as it’s sometimes called?
- Could your wife or husband be suffering from depression?
See my article on the signs and symptoms of depression and male depression symptoms.
- Is it possible that they have an addiction?
That could easily count for many of the indirect signs your spouse appears to want to leave.
Stages of a marital breakup
The potential marital breakdown has likely been developing over some time. That is unless your spouse has suddenly fallen head-over-heels in love with someone else.
Typically, a relationship loses its initial sparkle after a couple of years after which those heady feelings morphe into a deeper, mutually satisfying love.
When that hasn’t happened, the two of you may well have cycled through ups and downs and eventually spiralled through several recognisable stages of a breakup. You’ve grown apart, perhaps been looking outside the marriage for love, argued, bickered and even wondered if you’ve married the right person.
Whatever’s happened and going on right now, if you want to save your marriage it’s time to get cracking right now.
So, here’s what to do…
I know things are difficult for you now that your marriage appears on the brink of a breakup. But…
… you may still be able to save your relationship!
It’s time to get cracking! You can do it if you really apply yourself. I’ve given you ideas on what you can do to improve your relationship.
Give it your all, if your marriage then ends despite your efforts, you’ll feel that you’ve given it your best shot. Go for it!
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