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How often have you heard it said? “You make your own luck.” Is that really true? If it is, how do you do that? What’s the secret?
Maybe you’re acutely aware of other people’s luck and your (perceived) lack of it. Perhaps you searched ‘how to get lucky’ because you’re feeling down or even depressed.
Well, I’m glad you’ve landed here because I’m hoping to help you on your way a bit.
Oh… by the way, if you landed here because you’re hoping to ‘get lucky’ as in ‘scoring’ someone, then first learn the Secrets to a happy relationship!
Luck, success and happiness
The first question to ask really is: why would you want to be lucky? Would it make you more successful? Would it prevent heartache or hard work? Would it even make you happier?
You only need to read the headlines to realise that success does not necessarily make you happier, though it may contribute to your happiness. Words like ‘success’ and ‘happiness’ are nominalisations. They’re letters in a line that form symbols for something that only you can define. Words like these have a different meaning for each one of us.
Do you really deserve a bit of luck?
Maybe you feel you ‘deserve’ a bit of luck. I wonder, then, what rules and parameters you use to come to that conclusion. When, where and how does anyone become ‘entitled’ to some good fortune?
At the time of completing this article I was listening to the audio version of Viktor Frankl’s book, ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, which had long been on my wish list…
Viktor Frankl considered himself lucky
If anyone deserved a bit of luck it was Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist, neurologist and brain surgeon in Austria, before the second world war.
In this book, he hauntingly describes how he and his fellow inmates in the concentration camp felt in luck when they had a foreman that day who was less brutal. They even at times felt lucky to have survived another day.
Yet surviving meant 12 hours of hard physical labour in snow and ice, without shoes, gloves or coats, with feet and hands swollen and painful from frostbite and oedema.
They ‘survived’ on a tiny piece of bread and a little watery soup with – if they were lucky – a few peas. They slept on their sides wedged between 8 other men in one ‘bed’ – wooden planks – no mattress, sharing two thin blankets in below zero temperatures.
Surviving another day also meant having to face another day of beatings if they stumbled or slowed down because they were emaciated, ill, in pain and exhausted.
How lucky would you feel with a few peas scraped from the bottom of the pan? It illustrates just how relative luck really is.
What was your start in life?
What if your environment gives you little access to resources that could nudge your chances of luck in the right direction? You might, for example, expect that a decent education would increase your chances.
What if you grew up in dysfunctional household? That could have damaged your Innate Resources – the very developmental templates that were meant to help you become successful in life. So many people who grew up in an unsafe environment often feel like they’re forever trying to catch up.
Yet amongst them too are those who shine like stars and transcend their early exposure to a less than desirable environment. Maybe they even shine because of it.
No arms no legs and still considering himself lucky?
What about Nick Vujicic – born without arms and legs? How ‘lucky’ is he? You decide…
Of course, I interpret what I see through western eyes. Luck may just mean different things in different cultures.
Lucky people: those people who seem to sail through life – whatever it brings – and receive seemingly extraordinary offers. But they’re unlikely to have had a magic bullet, nor a magic wand. There doesn’t even necessarily appear to be anything particularly outstanding about them. They just seem happy and resourceful most of the time – regardless of their circumstances.
It’s ultimately your perception that makes you lucky or not. The messages that you give yourself make the difference… so it may be those messages you need to change.
If you were to know a little bit more about those people you considered lucky, you might decide that they could perhaps actually be very unlucky. What seems to you the ultimate reward may for them have meant the loss of something else. For example, someone running a successful business, with a fantastic income, may well have lost the love of his or her life in the process of building that business.
The difference is that people who consider themselves to be lucky are most likely running a different sort of spiel in their mind.
How to leverage your chances of ‘having luck’
There’s not a huge amount you can do that will immediately help you to become lucky.
However, my 20 tips on how to become lucky will, I hope, nudge you in the right direction. In addition, following my advice can potentially boost your confidence, lift your self-esteem, improve your relationships and help you deal with depression.
I also recommend you try self-hypnosis with the help of a download. See my page: Hypnosis FAQ and Downloads for further information.
Top tips to attract Lady Luck
As fast as each opportunity presents itself, use it! No matter how tiny an opportunity it may be – use it.”
Robert Collier, success author 1885 – 1950
The Roman goddess of fortune – and fate – Fortuna (Tyche in Greek mythology) represented good as well as bad luck. Invite Lady Luck’s pleasure by living your life in a way you’d be happy to share with anyone, regardless of role or rank.
My top tips for encouraging Lady Luck’s goodwill will also help you to avoid feeling downtrodden by the inevitable string of bad luck. You’re less likely to turn it into your ‘just deserts’, as you’ll instead be living your life with purpose.
Just make sure that you protect your personal boundaries so that you don’t become what some might call a ‘doormat’…
20 Tips to increase your good fortune
- Remember: luck is an opportunity that comes your way at the right time for you. Don’t let it pass you by
- Be proactive: plan for a life without luck so that when opportunities do come along, you don’t necessarily need them and you’re fine without them
- Count your blessings every day – among them, you’ll find golden nuggets of luck.
- Don’t whine about your lack of fortune. Self-pity attracts the wrong energy and people, and opportunities will pass you by
- Be honest with others. People always know or come to realise when you’re lying. Opportunities are offered to those who are known, liked and trusted.
- Be honest with yourself and accept your experience as a lesson in self-development
- Accept your own role in mishaps, missed opportunities, misfortunes and accidents, instead of blaming others or the circumstances. There is no failure – only feedback. Consider too, that you may simply have been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
- Celebrate other people’s luck or good fortune. Envy and jealousy are a waste of your energy
- Refrain from speaking badly about anybody. Apart from it being ill-considered, rude, unkind and possibly untrue, that person may just be your link to better days ahead
- Judge every opportunity for its integrity. If you accept those that are sound, you’ll sleep soundly without feelings of guilt or worries of being ‘found out’
- Don’t wait for good fortune to come by – it’ll arrive out of the blue
- Be optimistic – people shy away from negativity
- Life will throw challenges at you. Don’t waste your energy worrying about it – know that you’re so much stronger than you think you are
- Don’t become someone who tots up everything that goes wrong and peppers conversations with: “Now this has happened and now that has happened”. Your filter will become corrupted with a negative bias
- In all your dealings, ask yourself: if there was a hidden camera or microphone, would I be happy for my behaviour to be broadcast?
- Genuine opportunities are offered to those who work hard, smart and with integrity
- Be yourself. People will know when you’re faking it. Know that you’re as unique as any star in the sky – there is no-one like you on this earth!
- Scatter a bit of kindness. There’s enough trouble in the world and people will remember you for being kind. But don’t be afraid to be assertive when the need arises!
- Take a calculated risk occasionally. If, all things considered, you remain unsure whether an opportunity is worthwhile pursuing: go for it! Just be sure to cut your losses in time if it doesn’t work out.
- Read The Luck Factor – a scientific study of the lucky mind, by Robert Wiseman in which he teaches people to be lucky.
Always feeling down on your luck or like you’re attracting bad luck?
If you feel that you’re one of those people who only attract bad luck and that you’re the unluckiest person on the block, you may benefit from some help to turn things around.
It could be that you’ve developed a memory bias for all things ‘unlucky’. Perhaps you’re filtering out everything that’s positive in your life. Maybe you’re even depressed. If so, counselling can really make a difference by helping you reassess your life.
Your relationship or marriage and luck
Since this is a relationship advice site I want to be sure that I address any relationship issues. So here goes…
- Are you or your partner envious or even jealous of the other’s good fortune or lucky breaks?
- Does either of you feel resentful of the other’s successes?
- When something goes particularly well for you, does your partner suddenly become needy? Or vice versa?
- If one of you is being successful, does that make the other feel insecure?
- Are you both able to celebrate the other’s success?
You’re a team – create some luck together! Instead of focusing on each other’s shortcomings or your own, learn to harness your collective strengths.
What can you learn from each other?
How can you build on those strengths?
Curiosity and a focus on strength are a much better use of energy than envy and jealousy!
If you’re worried about the health of your relationship, see How to Save Your Marriage or Relationship.
I’m sure you already knew (even if only deep down) that there’s no magic spell for how to get lucky. But, there is much you can do to create and make use of opportunities that can bring positive benefits to your life. And perhaps if you look at things from a different perspective, you’ll discover there’s already luck in your life that you hadn’t quite noticed yet!
What kind of opportunities would you love most right now? Spend a little time thinking about what you’re hoping for… then seize the day! Help it (whatever ‘it’ is to you) on its way by opening as many doors for it as you can 🙂
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