“The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love.”
― Sophie Monroe, Afflicted
This slightly modified version of a Robert Frost quote hits the nail on the head.
Love and logic don’t mix.
But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use your head in any relationship (or getting into one). It will just be harder to use.
If analyzing things while in love is going to be a challenge, then overthinking in a relationship is going to be a pain.
How to stop overthinking in a relationship
More often than not, the answer to any conflicts in a relationship is the simplest one. If you feel there’s a moral dilemma in any way, then most likely there is one. It’s hard to stop overthinking in a relationship.
But that’s only because you’re complicating the situation in your head when it is not.
There is open communication in every healthy relationship. If there’s something you want to know, just ask.
For example, the conversation will most likely go this way –
Man: “What do you want for dinner?”
Woman: “Anything is fine.”
Man: “Ok, Let’s go to Bob’s Steakhouse.”
Woman “What the eff! You know I’m on a diet!”
Or, something like this –
Man: “Your Birthday is coming up, want something?”
Woman: “Anything is fine. I have to work that day anyway.”
Man: “Ok, let’s just order in your favorite Korean.”
Woman: “Worthless… tss…”
So communication may not be perfect, but overthinking means you won’t get the right answer anyway without knowing your partner through and through.
Overthinking in relationships without complete information is a waste of time.
If you do have enough info, then there’s no need to overthink anything.
So don’t even bother thinking about how to stop assuming things in a relationship. Just stop and communicate. It works.
A man and woman’s view and over-analyzing relationships
Men are either dense or simple, men who over-analyze situations are either very young or inexperienced.
But this scenario will clearly show why you should stop overthinking things in a relationship.
Example – SMS Conversation between a couple.
Man: Talk to you later, in a meeting
Woman: Ok love you.
Man: (No reply)
How does a woman’s brain work?
OMG, why isn’t he replying, is he really in a meeting? Maybe he is with some other woman? Should I call him? No, I shouldn’t, it’s the middle of the afternoon he might really be in a meeting.
But what if he is flirting with a colleague? Should I call his boss? OMG. Wait, I trust him, he wouldn’t do something like that. What if he is not feeling well? Should I go there and surprise him or he could just be busy? Should I call back in 30 minutes? …
If you are doing something like this, you should ask yourself why do I indulge overthinking everything in my relationship? Whatever the reason, you are beating yourself up and will never find the answer unless you have more information.
So it’s best not to do it at all and communicate at a later date.
Here is the same scenario in reverse.
Woman: Talk to you later, in a meeting
Man: Ok love you.
Woman: (No reply)
Man’s brain: What the hell, my coffee is cold again. I really should buy one of those USB coffee warmers.
It’s funny how gender differences go from one extreme to another. This is why a lot of women complain that their partners are insensitive and their partners have no idea what they are talking about. The truth is, men are dense and simple, but women are misinterpreting all their actions (or inactions) by overanalyzing it.
How to stop thinking too much about someone
This is one of the easier said than done scenarios, especially for new couples.
Most people couldn’t help thinking about their new love. It feels good and makes the person happy.
Remember there is a difference between thinking about the person you love and overthinking your relationship. The moment you start speculating more than one scenario of what your partner is saying/thinking/doing at the moment, and then reacting to those imagined scenarios, you are overthinking it.
You may believe that overthinking a new relationship is natural, it is. But that doesn’t mean it is good for you. Contracting the flu is a natural thing too.
If you ask yourself, am I overthinking my relationship? Chances are, you are. In most relationships, old and new, the simplest answer is usually the correct one. The only time this isn’t true is if one party is cheating, in that case, you have a bigger problem.
So trust your partner, it’s an important part of a healthy relationship. It would also keep you from unnecessary worries. If you are asking how to not overthink when so you hear so many signs and rumors, ask your partner straight out. Skip the dirty rumor-mongering and backstabbing.
Take what they said at face value.
But the problem with this approach is they can lie to you.
But overthinking in a relationship will create animosity even if they did not lie. Just remember that all secrets are eventually revealed and when they do, there’s nothing else to think or discuss.
So, how does one stop overthinking in a relationship?
Overthinking is the situation when your brain is trying to analyze a particular situation. It will try to rationalize everything based on your knowledge and experience. You may or may not arrive at the correct conclusion.
Regardless, here are the facts –
- If you are wrong, you created unnecessary conflicts
- You wasted time
- You stressed yourself
- You annoyed other people or divulged personal details discussing the issue
- You could have neglected other responsibilities
Stop overthinking in a relationship
It is the same as thinking about when you will die (eventually). It prevents you from enjoying today, by unnecessarily worrying about tomorrow.
There are cases when your partner is keeping a secret and it is straining your relationship. They can also lie when you confront them about it. It will be difficult not to think about the situation.
Remember, until everything is a fact, you are just ruining everything. The easiest way to get facts is to ask people directly. If that doesn’t work, then continue on living life and do what makes you happy.
Over time the truth will reveal itself.
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If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.