I’ve been in a relationship for nearly eight months. The relationship has been good after we’re collectively however he has at all times had belief points with me at any time when I’m seeing my mates or if I’m going out. Somehow I’ve simply type of accepted it and I’ve misplaced quite a lot of mates. When we have been out collectively the opposite evening we bought into an argument and he was very drunk. I mentioned one thing to a good friend of mine, a man. My boyfriend then took a tough grip round my arm and began questioning me about this man. I mentioned he was a mates however he didn’t imagine me. He then put his arms round me as if he was going to hug me, however as a substitute he squeezed actually onerous and it harm. I bought actually scared and began crying and screamed at him to let me go.

After about 10 minutes some woman whom i don’t know stepped in and pulled me away from him. He felt actually unhealthy about it after we spoke the day after and I accepted his appology. However later that day we have been playing around when he unexpectedly raised his voice. I felt actually scared. I haven’t seen him for a few days now and I’m nearly scared to see him. His dad used to beat him when he was little and perhaps that’s the reason he reacted that means.

I don’t know what to do as a result of I nonetheless love him however on the identical time I really feel fearful of him. I don’t actually need to discuss to anyone about it as a result of I don’t need folks to look unhealthy at him.

Lisa’s ideas…

Your boyfriend’s habits is unacceptable and probably harmful.  And I’m involved that although you might be conscious of the pink flags, you continue to search to guard him from different’s perceptions.  Whatever the reason being for his habits (and being abused by his father might be a part of the story) you should take this severely and take note of the pink flags.  What if he would have executed that and nobody was round?  He appeared to have reacted in a jealous rage which may have been worse.  The backside line is it is a probably harmful scenario which will worsen.

Try letting him know the way you could have felt when he’s acted in these methods.  Tell him that you’re scared and anxious for him that his anger will get so uncontrolled – and set agency boundaries by telling him it’s not okay.  Perhaps he’s conscious of an issue and is prepared to get counseling, which might be ultimate.  But I’m additionally involved about your willingness to place your self on this scenario and select to guard him relatively than inform family and friends what’s occurring.  You could also be on the street to isolation which might typically occur in a power-control dynamic…and abusive relationships.

If he’s not in a position to take accountability for his habits in phrases and actions, the accountability of caring for your self falls on you.  See the National Domestic Violence Hotline the place you may study extra about abuse and get assist for those who want it.


Need recommendation?  Consider a Relationship Consultation for steerage.

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