I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years now and since May he has gotten a brand new job place with quite a lot of accountability. He now has a feminine co employee who he calls his accomplice.  He spends quite a lot of time along with her on a regular basis even after work hours, she at all times desires to take him to dinner or to lunch and purchase it for him.  She supposedly at all times desires to spend time with me and get to know and I’ve meet her twice at work occasions and she or he’s solely stated about two phrases to me.

Recently my boyfriend obtained invited to marriage ceremony that’s in one other state by way of a mutual work buddy and his feminine co employee obtained invited too and some different females co staff .  He advised me that there weren’t anymore additional tickets for me to come back.  So I attempted to incorporate myself on the journey as a result of I had kin in the realm of the marriage .  (And additionally his feminine co employee advised him she’ll pay for 90% of his journey which appeared fallacious.)

When he advised me concerning the marriage ceremony I felt uncomfortable with him going to marriage ceremony to some he’s by no means even advised me that he was near.  He was appearing very in this marriage ceremony.  So I advised him I wasn’t snug with him going and that he ought to give his invite to his co employee who’s newly divorced and appears lonely.  It looks as if she desires him to be her date.  

He’s by no means traveled with one other girls’ and it’s simply odd … But I put my foot down that it made me upset.   He then obtained me an invite to the marriage saying it’s our journey (together with his feminine co employee )… It obtained to the purpose had been he was making me really feel like I used to be imposing on his journey … And I’m his girlfriend …

I’m to not positive how to reply to the state of affairs as a result of one thing feels off , I don’t like feeling pressured to spend time with somebody who by no means truly reached out to me earlier than to hang around with me however at all times talks about how a lot they need too (I’m referring to his feminine co employee ) .. He’s making me really feel like she’s issues greater than me .. I wished to drive there individually and meet all his co staff up on the marriage ceremony and spend the following day with simply me and him … But he advised me that they already made plans .. By the best way my BF is 29 and his co employee is 40 so I do know there’s a age distinction however one thing feels off to me … And I don’t like feeling this fashion and I’m undecided find out how to make him perceive that he wants boundaries along with her .. I consider that no dedicated man ought to be touring with all girls co staff for a non work occasion.

Lisa’s ideas:

Instincts are there to serve you as are wholesome boundaries in relationships.  You and your boyfriend have been collectively a very long time now and hopefully in that point have developed wholesome behaviors encouraging emotional security, good communication and expectations round wants from one another.  His feminine coworker appears to take pleasure in spending time with him and in the start appeared to need to know you too but it surely’s unclear based mostly on her actions whether or not she’s being genuine

Your intestine has advised you that you simply weren’t invited wholeheartedly to this marriage ceremony and there hasn’t been a lot flexibility in utilizing this journey as a possibility for you two to have a while collectively (however reasonably resistance in issues already being deliberate, and so forth).  The reality is he won’t need his girlfriend there and as a substitute desires to hang around together with his associates (who occur to be feminine). That being stated, it is a reasonably odd venue to make this alternative.  Most individuals convey their long run companions or spouses to weddings. And why would his co employee provide to pay for his journey?  

The backside line is you’re feeling one thing isn’t proper and it won’t be.  But keep open to the likelihood that you’ve got it fallacious and your boyfriend is solely not doing a fantastic job of managing this example in a manner that leaves you feeling safe.  At the very least, this difficulty must be addressed.  Hopefully nothing extra is happening however extra data is required.

A wholesome relationship permits companions to come back forwards and backwards to one another with out worrying or having belief points come up. You’re reacting to one thing and your emotions are legitimate.  Get to the underside of it.


Need recommendation on a specific difficulty?  Consider a Relationship Consultation with Lisa.

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